It’s already the fourth week of the second sem. Time flies. There are so many books to read, so many tutorials to be settled and so many activities to participate. Sigh! I feel so tired. I can’t sleep well every night. I always force myself to wake up early in the morning, before the sun rises so that I many study more. But no matter how early I woke up, I still can’t get my responsibilities and tasks done perfectly. Sometimes I felt that I’m so useless. I’m so disappointed with myself. I’m not smart, I’m not bright, I’m not pretty…I’m nothing and I’m nobody. I really can’t get a close friend to pour out all the feelings inside my heart. I miss my mum and dad and sister and brother so much. I wish I could tell them the feeling that I’m having most of the time recently but I can’t. I can’t make them worry about me. I want them to believe that I’m old enough to settle my own problem. I want them to trust in everything I do. I need to stand on my own feet. I can’t rely on anyone except God.
Sometimes, I really don’t know how to mingle with others. I tried so hard to become a close and intimate friend to Siew Ching. I felt that she has changed. We used to go shopping together, talked together. We were closer than our own family. Suddenly, she got so far away from me. Sometimes, she even feels lazy to smile at me. I really don’t know if I ever wronged against her. I tried so hard to set up a conversation with her, having high expectation that she would at least talk more to me but she just wouldn’t. I’m so tired trying to get to her. I really don’t know what else I can do. We don’t have any connection any more. I feel so dispirited. I wanna give in and give up but I’m reluctant to lose such a great friend like her.
I keep on failing in all the things I do. I can’t even play guitar well. No matter how hard I practiced, I still couldn’t play well. I can’t do well in my quizzes although I studied hard for those quizzes. Why does failure lurks in my path? Can anyone stop this from happening on me? I really don’t know what has gotten into my life. I feel so stressful and feel so messy. Nothing right happens. There are just so many to deal with in this life. I really hope I can manage my life well, at least not as uncontrollable as it’s right now. Lord, please let me find a way to free myself. I really feel so tired and weary. Lord, please make my path straight. Let me rely on you. Set me free…
4 comments:
Sam, dun look down upon urself.. Actually u did quite well in ur study .. U're de best students among our friends... Remember do thing with the abulity u have .. As long u hv done the best, u wun feel regret about it k ?
Go Go .. Jia You neH ... u sure can cope de small matter in ur problem.. n ur coursemate n frens in uni.. k ??
thanks for your support. nobody really cared about how i feel. feel like being used most of the time because i have transport. am i that useable? human...are so self-centered. pitiful to them, they don't know the love between friends. they might never know about what is called love...
Haiz... every human has it own motive when doing something. If u feel that, they r using u. Just ignore them. Juz treat them back the way they treat u. Coz u oredi show u sicere to be friend with them but they dont.
Human being is selfish, they think for their own only. Nobody will blame u, if u treat them cold back. k? Learn how to self-protect urself. Dun let other take advantages from u.
i feel so sien with most of them d. sigh...what to do? i still need to see them til i grad.
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