life??? -part II

This is the third week of new semester. Time flies supersonically, even when you perceive about the speed of time. The older you get, you’ll feel that time flies faster. Looking back in the past, I can’t really recall anything big or superb happening in my life. Maybe it’s something good. Nothing big happen means I’m safe and everyone around me is safe. Everyone is safe at their respective status quo. I’m not fed up or feel boring with this life; I just don’t know how to describe the feeling I’m having right now. Whatever…

I’m not that old to say or to make a conclusion about life. By the way, I’m not qualified enough and I’m not able to make one, only God can. From my experiences and observations, I can’t help but to say that life is so unpredictable. You can be super healthy at one time and at another second, you’ll be in heavy illness. Or you can be alive and then the next day, who knows…you might be dead already. What am I crapping about…? Oh my, oh my. But this is not what someone should worry about. God is in control and we can never know what He is gonna do. If we can, then, there will be no God in this universe.

We are quite burdened with our own emotions and feelings and things that happened around us. Friends, families and environment can bring effects to us. They’ll directly affect us…but we can’t do anything about them, it’s so out of our control. All we can do is to deal with and to handle our emotions well. There are a lot of creatures so-called human out there who like to judge people. They are so outspoken sometimes they don’t even realize the weakness they have in themselves. * I’m not writing this post to judge anyone or give comments about anyone. It’s just a feeling deep inside my heart and I can tell no body but to pour everything out in this blog, so-called my lil’ world* I was…well I am the one who was hurt by my friends. Not to say always but most of the time, especially when some of my friends give me a cold shoulder and repay my smile with a knife. I know, it’s their freedom to do whatever they want and I can’t have a say about it. My friends used to say that I’m emotional but I had an attitude adjustment and now I’m not the same anymore. Frankly speaking, I don’t have good friends among my coursemates. I only have good friends from my Christian society. I tried to approach and be nice to my coursemates and I did apologise for the things I’d done in the past and it seems like nobody wants to accept me to be their close friend. I am so hurt and feel so sad. I go to class everyday with the hope to learn something from classes, not more than that. It’s so hard to mingle with others and I feel dire tired with the efforts to try to build up good relationship with others. I can’t blame anyone but myself. Maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone, not good enough to be a ‘friend’.