I LOST A BEST FRIEND TODAY. SHE HAS ABANDONED ME...

Human nature

Human is living creature contrasted with animals and God. Human is supposed to be kind, caring and possesses good and noble moral quality. But I can hardly see any of these good qualities in human kind nowadays. Human turns out to be self-centered, backstabber, gossiper, deceitful rather than being polite, filled with love. They aren’t acting how they were created to be. Even small kids lied to their parents. Can you imagine what an adult or grown-up would do?

Human is so self-centered nowadays. Quoting some examples from my personal experiences; my housemates never bother to take care of the cleanliness of the house. They don’t throw garbage, they don’t sweep the floor, and they don’t keep the kitchen clean. Only a few care about the cleanliness and well-being of the house, including me. Regardless of how many meetings that we had in the past to remind everyone to keep the house clean and tidy so it’s liveable, some of them still behave like they are not part of the house (does the cleanliness of the house has anything to do with me?)

Some of my friends only think of themselves. They only care how much benefits they would get from certain things. As long as they can get the best part for themselves, they are not interested in your affliction. You can experience all of these when you and your coursemates team-up to work in a group. They are always some who suffer from others success. Some befriended with you because you have some advantages that others don’t have. Some befriended with you because you are popular. Some befriended with you because you are smart. Some befriended with you because you lecturers like you. I can hardly find a heart-to-heart friend.

My world is also filled with some money-minded people. All they talk is about money. No other words come out from their mouth except the word ~ money. They count every penny they use. They don’t want to lose even 1 cent from their wallet. They don’t bother to donate to those who are in need of money. They rather spend their money on shopping, buying clothes and having luxury life. They want to look good by putting on elegant, expensive, classy things on their body. It’s true they look good from their appearances and physique, but they are rotten inside.

Some are so stubborn that they are never going to have attitude adjustment although the friends around them keep saying that they have some bad habits they need to change. They have high expectations on themselves and have the thought that they are always the right one and the people around them are wrong. To be precise, they couldn’t accept others to criticize them. No one is 100% right except for God. For example, if one person says that you are lazy, you have the right to not believe in that person. But if ten persons say the same thing to you, it means there’s something wrong with you. Then you need to think back the things you have done in the past that gave such impression to others.

The worldly human’s mind is corrupted that they’ll do vice to get their wills done. Some rob, some steal, some lie, some kill, some abet in doing vice…it seems like this world is full of darkness with everyone minding their own businesses. There is nothing left in this world. Love is diminishing…nothing is reliable except for God. The world is fading away…

life??? - part IV

It’s already the fourth week of the second sem. Time flies. There are so many books to read, so many tutorials to be settled and so many activities to participate. Sigh! I feel so tired. I can’t sleep well every night. I always force myself to wake up early in the morning, before the sun rises so that I many study more. But no matter how early I woke up, I still can’t get my responsibilities and tasks done perfectly. Sometimes I felt that I’m so useless. I’m so disappointed with myself. I’m not smart, I’m not bright, I’m not pretty…I’m nothing and I’m nobody. I really can’t get a close friend to pour out all the feelings inside my heart. I miss my mum and dad and sister and brother so much. I wish I could tell them the feeling that I’m having most of the time recently but I can’t. I can’t make them worry about me. I want them to believe that I’m old enough to settle my own problem. I want them to trust in everything I do. I need to stand on my own feet. I can’t rely on anyone except God.

Sometimes, I really don’t know how to mingle with others. I tried so hard to become a close and intimate friend to Siew Ching. I felt that she has changed. We used to go shopping together, talked together. We were closer than our own family. Suddenly, she got so far away from me. Sometimes, she even feels lazy to smile at me. I really don’t know if I ever wronged against her. I tried so hard to set up a conversation with her, having high expectation that she would at least talk more to me but she just wouldn’t. I’m so tired trying to get to her. I really don’t know what else I can do. We don’t have any connection any more. I feel so dispirited. I wanna give in and give up but I’m reluctant to lose such a great friend like her.

I keep on failing in all the things I do. I can’t even play guitar well. No matter how hard I practiced, I still couldn’t play well. I can’t do well in my quizzes although I studied hard for those quizzes. Why does failure lurks in my path? Can anyone stop this from happening on me? I really don’t know what has gotten into my life. I feel so stressful and feel so messy. Nothing right happens. There are just so many to deal with in this life. I really hope I can manage my life well, at least not as uncontrollable as it’s right now. Lord, please let me find a way to free myself. I really feel so tired and weary. Lord, please make my path straight. Let me rely on you. Set me free…

sisterhood day

After service at Cheras, I ran through the rain to the parking lot to retrieve my car. I was so excited because I had a date with my sister. We promised to go shopping together. It's not like we never done anything like these before, but I did believe that this time would be different and special. After we had had our lunch at Serdang, we went straight away to Berjaya Times Square and Sungei Wang Plaza. We planned to buy a few nice things and we did some survey regarding the foods and snacks and drinks...you know, so that we can get better price and quality...konon lah smart consumer...hehe.



We went to Sungei Wang first before we proceeded to Berjaya Times Square. Sungei Wang was super crowd or should I say it's always with its crowd. We could hardly had some sight seeing as it was too busy and hectic. After a couple of hours getting packed in the crowd, finally my sister said, " Let's go to Times Square. It's too crowded and i can't find anything here. " Thank God for that. I nodded quickly and we went straight away to Times Square.



The feeling to shop came back again as we enter Times Square. It's like leaving a rumah buruk for a mansion. hehe. I wanted to buy jeans and my sis suggested me to go to Giordano.
So, to Giordano we went. We saw some nice pants and we just gave them a try and it's suitable for both of us. It ended up that my sis bought two and I bought one pair of pants. The great thing was that my sis paid the pants for me. The pants worth RM 98. I love my sis so so so much. Then we went to find for clothes, too bad la, we couldn't find anything nice. Next time then. Before we went back, we went to Nike and Adidas shop to find a pair of Nike for myself. Too bad la, i found a pair of nice Nike but it's out of stock...sigh.



We leave Times Square at about 8pm and we hadn't had our dinner yet. It's always the nosiest thing to think of what to have for meal. Then i suggested to have porridge steamboat and it was absolutely nice. It's the first time I had this kind of steamboat and for sure I'll gonna have it again in the future.



We really had a great time shopping together yesterday. Hope that we'll do it again next time. And oh yeah...there's something worth mentioning here. My sis gave me two pairs of beautiful earrings. I love my sis so much...

life??? - part III

stranger : Who are you?
Me : I am Sam.
stranger : No, that's your name. Who are you?
Me : Oh, I am a student.
stranger : No, that's what you do.
Me : I'm a Malaysian.
stranger : That's your nationality...



Have you encountered anyone who ask you this question?
Well, I could state that I'm a girl and my height is 160 cm and my weight is about 55 kg. These are only your physical dimensions and appearance. The point is this, will I still be me even if I lost my hands or shoulder? Or if i undergo an organ transplant? The answer is obvious. You would still be you even if you had any changes in your appearance. But, have you ever thought of who you are beyond your physical appearance? You are the one who created you to be. You are not just anyone, but you are someone. Even if nobody ever notices your existence, one thing for sure is that God does. Even when you commit sins, maybe someone would forgive you, but one thing for sure is that God would always forgive you, as long as you repent.

God does not judge by external appearance, He values the heart.

Men never understand about themselves or what they want in their life.
What kinda person do you think you are? Have you ever thought of the answer of this question before? Take a few moment and ponder about this question. For me, it's a super difficult question. I can't judge myself and i don't want to do so. Only God can judge human.



Life is so complicated. I am totally perplexed. The most important thing that I perceive is to live life and to love life. Love not only my own life but others as well. Life is precious, more precious than a diamond or gold. Life can't be bought with money or exchanged with something else. There's more to learn in this life.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be man of courage, be strong. Do everything in love.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

life??? -part II

This is the third week of new semester. Time flies supersonically, even when you perceive about the speed of time. The older you get, you’ll feel that time flies faster. Looking back in the past, I can’t really recall anything big or superb happening in my life. Maybe it’s something good. Nothing big happen means I’m safe and everyone around me is safe. Everyone is safe at their respective status quo. I’m not fed up or feel boring with this life; I just don’t know how to describe the feeling I’m having right now. Whatever…

I’m not that old to say or to make a conclusion about life. By the way, I’m not qualified enough and I’m not able to make one, only God can. From my experiences and observations, I can’t help but to say that life is so unpredictable. You can be super healthy at one time and at another second, you’ll be in heavy illness. Or you can be alive and then the next day, who knows…you might be dead already. What am I crapping about…? Oh my, oh my. But this is not what someone should worry about. God is in control and we can never know what He is gonna do. If we can, then, there will be no God in this universe.

We are quite burdened with our own emotions and feelings and things that happened around us. Friends, families and environment can bring effects to us. They’ll directly affect us…but we can’t do anything about them, it’s so out of our control. All we can do is to deal with and to handle our emotions well. There are a lot of creatures so-called human out there who like to judge people. They are so outspoken sometimes they don’t even realize the weakness they have in themselves. * I’m not writing this post to judge anyone or give comments about anyone. It’s just a feeling deep inside my heart and I can tell no body but to pour everything out in this blog, so-called my lil’ world* I was…well I am the one who was hurt by my friends. Not to say always but most of the time, especially when some of my friends give me a cold shoulder and repay my smile with a knife. I know, it’s their freedom to do whatever they want and I can’t have a say about it. My friends used to say that I’m emotional but I had an attitude adjustment and now I’m not the same anymore. Frankly speaking, I don’t have good friends among my coursemates. I only have good friends from my Christian society. I tried to approach and be nice to my coursemates and I did apologise for the things I’d done in the past and it seems like nobody wants to accept me to be their close friend. I am so hurt and feel so sad. I go to class everyday with the hope to learn something from classes, not more than that. It’s so hard to mingle with others and I feel dire tired with the efforts to try to build up good relationship with others. I can’t blame anyone but myself. Maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone, not good enough to be a ‘friend’.

life???

Life has been tough lately. Sometimes, I know my missions and my responsibilities in this life, and at another turn, life seems like an unsolvable puzzle to me. Life perplexes me. A lot of my CF friends have fallen sick. Calamities are everywhere. I never understand and feel close to my friends and vice versa. There’s always another voice enticing me to do something not good. But, I keep on praying that the Holy Spirit will win over that evil voice. I’m scared…what can I really do?

I feel disappointed but am grateful at the same time for I have God in my life, along with God’s mercy and grace upon my life. I pray and pray to God, I know God listens. I feel that God is working in my life, but I never feel close to Him. I really try my best to be the one God created me to be. Yet, I feel that I’m not good enough. My heart keeps on telling me that it’s ok.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

Philippians 4:13

petrol price

there will be no increase in petrol price

(for the time being)
look up to the Star online for more detail news

fun yet frustrating

Just came back from an activity organized by my society. I’m feeling exhausted right now. I kinda had fun just now. It had some game and a little speech on what-to-do-first in our to-do-list. I learnt some skill on how to manage my time and how to organize my to-do-list, which means how to give priority to the tasks I wanted or needed to accomplish. Allow me to share what I’ve learnt just now.

O – objective

A – activity

T – timetable

S – scheduling

The above key words are the categories we need to consider in organizing our to-do-list.

Goal(s) is/are something clear, definite.

Example:

I want to achieve good results this semester ==> wrong

I want to achieve good results this semester, 4.00 ==> correct

Make your goal(s) clear.

That are a few things that I could remember from the lesson.

After the game and the speech, we were formed into groups of about 8 to 10 persons. In this small group we were asked to share our opinions and our new year’s resolution, how do we give priority to the goals or targets that we have set.

Overall, this activity was a fun to me, partially. You always have bad or sad things happening at the same time when you are having fun. So do I. Some people are lack in manners which I detest. There are a few characters that make me feel sick. Real sick with them.

Character 1

I was doing my own thing, you know, talking to my friends after not meeting them for almost two months(before activity started). There were laughter and we really crapped a lot. Like maniac, as if we were retarded. This is one way to show how close you are to a friend, I mean we can really mingle, that’s the reason why we laugh crazily. Then, a junior joined our conversation. It’s not that I don’t welcome her. We talked to her too, like long lost friend. To her, we laugh too much and at one point, she told me not to laugh so much, which means ‘can you stop laughing? ‘. What the heck?! Is laughing a faux pas? Is there any written law stating that I can’t laugh when I’m talking to friends? What’s wrong with her? Have I offended her? I didn’t make fun of her or say something brutal to her. I was like…hey, come on la, what’s wrong with you.

Character 2

When I was in the small group sharing our very own opinions, another girl did something that makes me feel sick. I was sharing my very very own opinion saying that results in studies is not everything. The most important is the knowledge you gain. You won’t be extra superb if you get four flat (saying in my heart). It’s just something that the elders and the government make up to mess up this world. Then she gave me this look (because she is a four flater wannabe). I know she disagreed with me or I should say she disagrees with me. Come on, you know what is opinion? Opinion is our own way of thinking, so please don’t give that ugly, awful look to someone when he or she is giving his or her opinion. If you disagree with someone, just keep it to yourself or you can politely give your feedback to that someone and not showing that ass face.

I know there are some blog readers who don’t agree with me, but it’s my blog and I write the way I feel. End of story.

the end of first week

It’s Thursday already and it marked the end of first week of this new semester. Sigh! I regret coming back so early. I should have come back next week. I had a total of 5 classes this week. Only one lecturer turned up, others went missing and another class…which I didn’t attend. I presume there won’t be any lecturer showing up in class which I stay out.

The lecturer who came in to class today taught us Organic Chemistry. I don’t know what his name is, he didn’t introduce himself but he recommended us to buy a text book. He described a lot about the author, more than himself. One of the funny things happened in the class. The book so-called the best Organic Chemistry text book existing in market was written by a female author called Paula Yurkanis Bruice (this really impressed the lecturer as he seldom heard about a female author publishing a scientific book…another funny thing happened in class). The problem I have with this lecturer is that I don’t know whether he is speaking in Malay or English. He was speaking Malay at one place and suddenly English at the same place…another funny thing.

Lecturer:

this one has seven carbons. satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima, six, seven (speaking and writing on the whiteboard at the same time)

Students :

=.= |||

Believe me, I’m not making fun of him, just that I wanna share this extraordinary experience I encountered in class today with you. Actually, I like Organic Chemistry and I am aiming an A for this subject. I’m gonna keep my finger crossed.

Other than Organic Chemistry, I’m also taking Reaktor, Fenomena Pengangkutan, Hubungan Etnik and Statistics for Engineering this semester. Doesn’t sound easy to me. Must put extra hard work in this semester. Time to be hardworking again and work like a horse and cow. But, I need to relax first. After all, it’s still the first week of new semester…so I can plan how to spend the rest of the week and start working hard next week =)

How am I going to spend the rest of this week? So lame. So boring. So far, my plan is to go to society activity this Friday night and to church this Sunday. Hope I’ll have a lot of fun.

20 things to do in your twenties

Quoting from CLEO magazine

1. be your own fashion stylist

People expects youngling to have a new sense of style with every passing year, but in your 20s, you need to present an air of stability rather than unpredictability. It works for both your career and your social life, since everyone around you is growing older, too. So, start transforming your wardrobe from MTV-hip to something more sophisticated. You know what colours and styles you look best in-expand those themes. For some, it’s floral; others, it’s turquoise. Complete your kit with a few good (read:Quality) handbags, earrings, and shoes and a stand-out accessory or two to wear often-people will come to identify you with it.

2. Globetrot

You must travel to at least three or four foreign lands just to see what life is like on the other side of Greenwich. Europe and the US should be top of your priority list, followed by an Asian destination such as Japan, Hong Kong. Traveling expands your view of life in a way few other things can (except, perhaps, voracious reading). If you’re low on the dough and would like a sneak preview of what’s in store, visit www.keyhole.com and download an application that uses satellite images to take people on tour around major cities like London, Paris and New York. Even if you’re on a real tight budget, you can at least get to Manila and tour city for under RM1000 at www.airasia.com.

3. Know your accessories

Nothing brings a 20-something down more than tacky accessories. By your 20s, there are several things you should know about before shopping for jewellery. First, the four Cs of diamonds (cut, clarity, colour, carat). Next, some basics to do with gemstones (birthstone, anniversaries, shapes). Armed with this knowledge, you can more astutely pick and choose accessories that are suited to your persona, character and style. Learn more at www.gemstone.org and www.thediamondbuyingguide.com.

4. Narrow your chums list

The “you jump, I jump” brand of friendship won’t cut it anymore from 20 onwards. Friends can be a pain, in fact, especially the kind that can only call on you when they need your help. It is perfectly normal for your circle of acquaintances to narrow considerably as you grow older. As other priorities start to take precedence in your life, the less-important friendships you have will start to drop-off, one by one. If ne’er-do-good chums still call you to borrow a buck or to crash at your flat until they find a new job, now is the time to start turning them away. It’s not being selfish; it’s just growing up. (something that friend of yours is obviously having trouble with).

5. Have a plan B

You may be doing really well for yourself now, but never in your wildest fantasies must you think that he status quo is going to remain this way indefinitely. You might get dumped. You might lose your job. You might discover a New Age religion. There are plenty of things that can happen-usually out of your control-that will impact your life, either negatively or positively, depending on how you look at it. So, start thinking about a plan B now. Hone a skill you can trade in the event your spanking new start-up closes shop in the next economic crisis. Have a place you can turn to (usually, your parents) should you be thrown out of your apartment. And keep a best-friend handy as a shoulder to cry on, for Pete’s sake.

6. No more pity dates

Whilst you may have had the luxury of dating hapless guys for the sake of dating, this decade of your life means becoming more assertive with your time and energy, and knowing that to be kind, you must be cruel. You are now a woman of the world. You can hardly be expected to pity men your age for not having a date on Friday night (especially if you don’t really like them in the first place). You have a hard time as it is keeping dates with men you are really in to, let alone losers. Don’t be afraid of turning them down-they are, after all, 20-something themselves, and must be able to take rejection like adults. You don’t have to say that you would much rather stay home and watch a movie than go out to dinner with them, but you certainly have the right o tell them (gently) that you’re are not interested.

7. Have a favourite wine

Nothing embodies maturity quite like a distinct preference of wines, and although you don’t have to know all the good years in the book. In fact, you probably already have some idea of favourite-fruity, dry, mellow or full-bodied. Just commit to memory the place it was bottled. Wines are really less about the brands and more about the locales they are produced in. Educate yourself about wines at www.winespectator.com.

8. Cook!

No, not instant noodles. Have at least four or five dishes you can cook relatively well, and practice doing so often. You might not always be able to dine out, you know. And what about wanting to please that special someone?

9. Save

Besides your EPF savings, you should have a secondary retirement plan, either in the form of fixed deposits (short-term) or property (long-term). Buying one or two lots of a publicly-trade blue chip company included in the Composite Index on Bursa M’sia is also a good way of investing in your retirement.

10. No more bitchiness

No, absolutely not, not under any circumstances… especially at work. Parents and teachers can forgive bitchiness in a hot-headed teen because they don’t expect you to know any better. But in your 20s, the operative word is ‘cool’. So, don’t get into cat fights. Instead, resolve differences by smiling and keeping an open mind-by now, you should be old enough to realize that you don’t know everything.

11. Be man independent

Although most men are still happy to help you in your time of need, by now you should be able to do most-if not all-the tasks you usually get a hunk in for yourself. Learn to do your own minor plumbing. And hammering and nailing. And plastering, and painting and moving. Don’t worry about coming off as being too independent: the self-assured, independent 20-something woman are irresistible to men.

12. Remember names

The days of “What’s your name again?” are gone. In your 20s, you are expected to have the maturity to know that a person’s name is his or her most reassured identity, and to forget it so soon after being introduced can only mean one thing: you don’t care. And to not care at this stag is a sure-sign you’re not ready for 20-something life.

13. Wear high heels

Unless you’re a painter or similarly engaged professional artists, loafers and flatties will not send the right signals about the new woman you have become. Have at least three pairs of two-inch heels in your wardrobe, and one sexy, black four-inch pair of stilettos to wear on lucky dates (not office). But before you wear them, practice your strut around the house (toes land first, not heels) else you risk either coming off as a fake, falling flat on your face. Also, walk with the one foot landing in front of the other, as opposed to side-by-side-not doing so will result in an embarrassing wobble very unbecoming of a 20-something.

14. Lose the body art

If you enjoyed body piercings in your late teens and early 20s, good. Be glad for the experience, because now as you grow older, body art becomes girlish. You can still maintain the rings you may have on your navel or other parts of your body not usually seen in public, but the lip, tongue and eyebrow studs will have to go. The holes will heal and close in time. For now, do your best to cover them up with make-up.

15. Be your own clock

Stop relying on your mother to wake you up in the morning.

16. Know your car

Meaning you should be able to change a tyre, top up the engine oil, inspect spark plugs and change a fuse by yourself. Exciting? Yes, but also dangerous if you’ve not done them before. Get someone reliable to guide you on doing these things before attempting them yourself. Once you have, you’ll be confident in the knowledge you won’t have to call the pros for something as minor as overheating.

17. Care for your nails

Being a woman means caring for how you look top-to-toe, no exclusions. There are many other things you can look forward to changing, too (such as your hairstyle-no more crazy cuts!), but in particular, nails speak volumes about your personal glooming habits.

18. Keep current

Don’t know what the state of affairs is in Iraq? Wondering what the fuss is all about over China? Still clueless about the UN’s Millennium Development Goals? You cannot expect to be a convincing 20-something if you don’t know what’s going on in the world today, so it is absolutely imperative that you keep yourself up-to-date with current affairs. These colour your speech and character in ways that will surprise you, and you can be sure to impress if you are able to hold a conversation about Jacques Chirac’s presidency and the European Union’s failed constitution.

19. Know your music

You should have outgrown Robbie Williams and Britney when you turned 21, but if you haven’t, explore radio stations other than Hitz.FM. instead, tune into TraxxFm or Mix.FM and pick up on music for grown-ups. Recommendations of “adult” musics? Norah Jones, Sarah MaLachlan and even Jacyln Victor come to mind as excellent female vocalists. If you still harbour secret desires of hooking up with a rock star, then consider the music of john Mayer, Coldplay and U2.

20. Know your government

You voted during the last elections, but do you have any idea what’s going down now? The Parliament is abristle everyday with ministers and MPs debating bill and that, and while a lot of what goes on is largely uninteresting, a lot of it is important. Try to at least keep abreast of development so you know which minister is in charge of which department, and what initiatives the government is pushing through. This will help you make an informed decision for your vote during the next elections, and also serve to make you more knowledgeable about why things are the way they are today.