a pool of saliva

life has been very hard to get by lately. am struggling all the time to study harder for this final exam.

i almost had a mental breakdown yesterday. i couldn't study for the whole day. i was so tired. i had been having insomnia for almost 2 weeks. i thought i was going berserk yesterday. was feeling really really down yesterday. yeah, i did cry for a few times and each time, the tears just kept running down my cheeks automatically. i realised that i was the one giving myself so much pressure. i've always wanted to score well in exam. people always said results don't matter, what matter the most was your experience, your soft skills, your capability to fit in the society, mingle well with others. yeah, and i realised that. but i just wanted to give my best in studies.

this is the least thing i can do for my late father. i just want to make him proud with my achievements. that's the main reason for going all out for this exam.

i was thinking to talk to my bff about the difficult times that i had. but she was having her exam as well and i didn't want to burden her with my feelings and emotions. so, i cried, watched some hilarious animes yesterday and managed to get through.

i slept for like 3 hours this afternoon. was feeling better after that. and when i woke up, i realised that i gave up already, for tomorrow's paper.

and now i'm going to prepare for another paper. at least this subject give me more confidence than the one i'm going to sit for tomorrow.

i had a really peculiar dream just now. in my dream, i accidentally drank some water that contained algae without realising it. i felt something wrong and i spat the water in my mouth out. and when i woke up, got startled from that weird dream, i found a pool of saliva on my pillow. *i think i spat*
that was so embarrassing and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
i couldn't believe i did that. sigh, need to wash my pillow case and jemur my pillow...seriously, that was the funniest thing happened in my life for the past 2 weeks.

it's my nature to spit something out whenever i want to i.e. like when i am drinking soup and the soup is too hot. i get some serious warning from my mom but i just can't help it. i know, this is not bersopan-santun at all but who cares!!!

somebody, please tell me, what can i do to overcome this insomnia, i'm so suffering over this!

my housemate accidentally scratched my car with her bike. she apologised and i didn't get angry at her la. but what erupted the volcano inside my heart was that she kept repeating that, " i ACCIDENTALLY scratched your car BUT it's at the BOTTOM PART of your car,"
she was acting like 'it's not a big deal'. excuse me, my father bought this car for me and i have a responsibility to keep it in it's best shape.
when i checked it, it's not even at the most bottom part, in fact, it is at the front of my car. it's about 20 cm in length and approximately 0.5 cm wide. that's not the only scratch at that spot, there is a few other scratches. give you a situation, if you hurt your leg (it's consider the bottom part of your human body), so do you still count that you are hurt?? what theory was her theory...am going to fix it after my exam tomorrow. for sure i will ask her to compensate. feel like a bad person for asking her to pay but she is the culprit after all, so why not?! sigh, time-wasting. feel so sueh pulak tiba-tiba.

gotta go study d...hope my bff will come to kl next week...