i hate my course

i really really hate my course. i'm in the halfway of this long and tedious course, i've got no choice but to continue what i'm doing. what depressed me the most is that living in this world but has no right to say no. i hate what i'm studying, i don't understand what i'm studying. i've got no friends in my course, the lecturers are bias, i hate being assign to work in a group, i hate that my-not-up-to-date-uni !!!! i hate seeing my coursemates despise me because i'm stupid. they are not even four-flatters, what is their stand for despising people?? my life is miserable. i just want to have along break...away from my uni, away from the people i detest, away from betrayer. nobody understands how i feel...everyone thought i'm taking up a good course, bright future, high salary...they don't know they pain i suffer behind all these. why am i born in malaysia??? i don't feel extremely proud being a part of this country. someone told me, when i hate something, i need to conquer it. i hope i can do it. life has been disappointing. i hate my life !!!!

i wonder why don't those two accidents i met just take my life away. i was uninjured each time. was i unlucky or lucky??? if i were given an opportunity to choose again, i don't know what i would do. i'm directionless and aimless. i can't find the reason living on this planet. i busied myself with works, assignments, lab reports, projects...in the end, i got nothing. not even satisfaction, not even the feeling of relief. i'm so lost. every night, i was awaken from my sleep because of the pressure i felt from this life. i couldn't sleep well in the night. even in my dreams, i dream of completing my work, the remorse feeling of not being able to pay my dad back. i'm so stressful. i need to be extra cautious so that i won't be betrayed by my coursemates, again. no one has any idea how much burden i have on my shoulders. i just wish to be free...

i need to improve myself so that i'm competent. i like improvement, it really gives me satisfaction. but everyone in my course seems to stop improving themselves, i mean in the sense that being able to communicate with others. all they know is just study.

i met back stabbers, traitors, hypocrites and loads of evil people in my course. i don't mean to say that i'm 100% perfect. i taught myself to be mean so others won't step over my head. reality just teaches people how to survive in this cruel and cold-blooded world.