Joan of Arc said~~~

Every man gives his life to what he believes.
Every woman gives her life for what she believes.
Sometimes people believe in little or nothing,
and so they give their lives to little or nothing...

Gandhi said~~~

we must become the change we seek in the world

ambition

Everyone has ambition(s) of his or her own. Some ambitions are so fantasy that someone can only imagine. Some are so real that someone can actually bring them to reality. I recalled back some of the ambitions I’ve ever thought of when I was young recently.

When I was in primary school, I actually thought of being an air-stewardess. Serving people, got to travel, got to be on the plane…everything seem to be so much fun. Then, when I got older, I realized that being an air-stewardess was just a dream so faraway. There are loads of requirement I must meet before I can be an air-stewardess. Well, I need to be slim and thin, plus I need to look like someone who is going for the beauty pageant. This is only some basic conditions and I don’t have any of them. So, I gave up and became ambitionless for a few years. *lol

When I was about 17, I knew that I wanted to be a dentist. Dentist…sounds so pro and clean to me. Later, after my SPM, I was accepted into matriculation where I further my studies in physics. I didn’t manage to get a place in biology stream and this made it tougher for me to push myself into dentistry. At the same time, my mum discouraged me to pursue my studies in dentistry. If I want to be a dentist, I need to work with the government for a few years before I can be free to have my own career. The career that really belongs to me where all the money goes to my own pocket. Man, I detest working with government. In the end, I gave up my ambition to become a dentist.

Sometimes, I would dream myself being a pilot. Anyway, it’s just a dream. It’s not something I’ll work toward it.

When my results for matriculation came out, it was so good that it surprised me. Since I love physics so much and my results were good, I decided to choose engineering. And since chemical engineering was so popular, I chose to study chemical engineering.

Until this moment, I still have no idea whether I’ve made the right choice. Studying chemical engineering is not something that I expect. No matter what, I need to finish this course. In order to get a good job, I need to score. To me, being a chemical engineer means working on rig. Working off shore most of the time seems super fun to me.

Nowadays, I really don’t have any ambitions. I lost the feeling of having an ambition. All I know is that this world is cruel world. I need to live in reality and do whatever it takes to survive. The only thing I can do is to focus. Focus in my studies, score and get a good job. Living a hopeless and despair life seems so dull !!!!

thanks, GAL

my bff, Mengher a.k.a ah gal posted something about me in her blog.
everyone is welcomed to view it here
PS: i'm so touched, gal. you are the one that turns my gloomy and grey world into a colourful one. you've filled my world with bliss and hope. i didn't really contribute much in our friendship. you are the one who listen, care and support me all the while. when everyone boycotted me when i was in form 5, you were the one to come to me. you didn't even care about the gossips and rumours about me. you broke the ice between both of us. i didn't even know why people stopped talking to me that time, it happened all out of a sudden. but you just popped into my life and shine. i turn to u when i have problems because you are loyal, and i know i can count on you. without you, i won't even know what's the meaning of friendship. i love u

my birthday

Today, 24^th of June 2007 is my big day. It’s my birthday!!! Yes, it’s my 21^st birthday. My friends told me that I’m a big girl now and I need to ‘be’ an adult. Normally, this is the age where Chinese girls get their ‘golden key’ from their parents. Getting a ‘golden key’ means they have gained absolute freedom from their parents. Well, I didn’t get any key from my mum and I didn’t get that absolute freedom from my mum. I’m still under my mum’s control concerning certain things. I’ll always be a three-year-old in my mum’s heart. I’m still the ‘cute Yenky’ to my sister. I’m still a ‘younger’ sister to my brother. All in all, I’m still protected by my family and they have the ‘copy rights reserved’ of me. It could be good or the other way round. I’m certainly okay with this, of course only in certain aspects. Now that my dad is not around, I seriously need to be more matured than what this age requires. I need to jump into my mum’s shoes first before I made any decision or do anything. I need to let me family know that there’s not just an empty coconut shell in the skull. When someone gets older, his or her responsibilities get bigger.

I would like to thank my friends for their greetings. It really meant a lot to me.

Meng Her called me around 12.05 a.m. She and Alice sang me a birthday song. I was so happy and felt grateful for having them as my friends. Later, approximately 12.40 a.m., they popped up in front of my house. They bought me a birthday cake, 4 lollypops and a can of bird’s nest drink. There was this funny situation where the candles they bought were instant relighting candles. The candles wouldn’t get out regardless of how many times we blew it. Seriously, it took us about 5 minutes to really stop the candles from relighting back. After we had checked back the label, we noticed that the candles relight instantly. We lol. We took some pictures, talked about things and laughed all along. They went back at about 1.30 a.m. The whole neighbourhood was filled with our laughter. Oh, did I mention that we celebrated my birthday in Meng Her’s car? Love of kisses to both of them.

Keng Fai called me this afternoon to wish me.

My friends from my society called me as well.

Phing May was the first person to wish me via SMS. Her SMS arrived at 12 a.m. sharp.

Keng Sern, Siew Ching, Poh Yee, Fong Lin, Lee Fang, Mee Ling also sent me SMS.

Dom attempted to call me but to no avail because Meng Her was singing to me that time. Btw, my sister also sent me a song thru SMS. Not forgetting those who have left me comments in Friendster. Also special thanks to Gary for sending me an e-card. Thank you to everyone who remembers my birthday although I am no special person.

I have a great sense of belonging to my family and friends. Mengher asked me what’s my birthday wishes. It took me quite sometime to really figure out what I really want. I can’t help but to admit that I’m a greedy person. I have a few visions and my birthday wish is for my visions to come true. Allow me clarify something here. Dreams are different from visions. Dreams are something that someone might bring it to reality, but most of the time, it’s just some imaginations that can hardly come to reality. Visions are something people imagine and it’s just the matter of time before they come true.

I’m gonna get big presents this year. My sister is going to give me a watch, a branded one. I requested my mum to buy me a pair of shoes. I’m gonna buy myself an mp3 player. Well, I will have what I want and I’m happy about it =)

PS: ah gal ar, give up on asking what I want for my birthday. Your presence is a big birthday present to me already, really.

I have a car of my own, a laptop and great family and friends, what else can I ask for?

Although I lost my dad, I realized that there is someone who cares about me. I can’t ask the dead to come back alive. All I can do is to live well and treasure all the things I have.

Discovering myself at 21 years old

Name: Sam Chiao Yen

Popular name: Sam

my family call me: ‘ah mei’, yenky

Age: 21

Sex: female

Occupation: engineering student

Skin colour: fair

Eyes colour: black

Religion: I don’t have one [Christianity is a relationship, not a religion]

Normality: hey, I’m a normal girl

Height: 162 cm

Weight: fluctuates

Hobby: get together with friends, sleep

Hate: betrayers, hypocrites

Love: God, my family and friends who are nice and sincere to me

Dumb at: expressing myself, making choices, finding the right words for my conversations

When was my first love: never pak toh before.*lol

When did I buy my first CD: form 4

What was my first CD: winter sonata OST [regret for buying it]

Favourite movie: rob-b-hood [I guess…]

Dislike watching: ghost movies

Like watching: comedy and love-story movies

Favourite animation: the incredibles

My first anime: Bleach [after anime was popularised]

Favourite subject: maths [I realized I’m actually bad at it recently =( ]

Favourite unhealthy food: nuggets, French fries

Favourite healthy food: apples, celery, chocolate, ice-cream [is ice-cream healthy besides fattening?]

Favourite food: Japanese cuisine, mum’s cooking

Favourite fast food: McD

Favourite colour: blue [purple, pink and black would me my other choices of colour]

Favourite flower: white-coloured tulip

Favourite sport: playing squash [although I only know how to run and hit the ball without possessing any technique]

Scariest experience: when I had an accident [the last thing on my not-to-happen-in-my-life-list]

Scariest thing I’ve ever contemplated: commit suicide

Happiest experience: went traveling with my family when I was a kid

What I like to do: making my dad happy, chatting with friends, shopping when I have tonnes of money to spend, going to church

I want to have big improvement in: my English, cooking skill, my communication skill, my GUTS!!!

Currently reading: the 8^th habit by Sir Stephen R. Covey

The most expensive book I’ve ever bought: bible [approximately RM 130]

The most expensive shoes I’ve ever bought: sport shoes [Puma, approximately RM 200]

What I want in my life now: graduate a.s.a.p

What I want to learn: playing drum, playing guitar, swimming

The people I chat in msn the most: my sister and Mengher

i hate this !!!

my result for the last final was out recently. Man, i hate this. I was so disappointed at my result. I hate being such a mediocre at studies. I used to be a straight A student except for my SPM since my UPSR. Once I commenced my studies in uni, everything went wrong. Well, everything goes wrong. It's just not right. I worked hard all the while, but what I've got is not what I'm supposed to get. For the first time in uni, I got a C+. Do you know how serious it is to get a C+??? Even though i did well for other subjects, my pointer would get affected by the C+ tremendously. I got a C+ for my statistics. I was so good at maths all the while and now that I got C+ for something I was good at, I really have nothing to say. It kinda spoil my 21st birthday already.

Let's just admit it. Maybe I overestimated myself. Maybe I am freaking bad in my maths. Maybe I'm just not suitable in engineering field. I think I'm the worst chinese student in my course. *sob sob sob

my fav flowers

this is white dream tulip, my fav

this is snow white tulip, my fav also


i once thought this is white tulip; but it's not, it's navona (pure white lily)
it's beautiful anyway

Flowers are wonderful creation of the mighty God.

hols is ending

Holiday is reaching an end soon. Man, time flies. I'll be a third year student soon, which means I'm going to be super busy soon. Nevertheless, I'll still enjoy my time being busy and do loads of stuff to make my life more exciting. Who knows when I'm going to die? Well, I guess I'll do what I haven't tried before. *cheers*

I haven't tried swimming, playing bowling, ice-skating and etc. In order to do stuff I wanted to do, firstly I need to earn. Sigh, I detest working and studying. Why?
I detest working because
1. I don't like taking orders
2. I hate working under immense pressure
3. I hate working the same thing under long hours
4. I hate getting tired
But someone once said~ no pain, no gain. I have no choice but to work =(
I'll be teaching tuition again next semester, with my old student. This time I'll be teaching her 2 subjects which means, I'll get 2 folds of what I earned last semester. Yay! I can save most of my loans for travelling and emergency use. There is something good about becoming a tutor.
1. You can learn and help others learn
2. Most importantly, you can earn

I like the first week of every new semester because I get to see my friends after a few months break (how much they have changed) and there's not much to do. After that, I'll be kinda feel nausea at studies. Loads of pending stuff, assignments to rush, quizzes to be studied, lab reports to be done, dealing with groupmates...
One thing I hate the most is when the faculty has made it compulsory for the students to take a few compulsory subjects every semester. I don't like it when people tell me what to study, it's like I don't have the freedom to choose what I like to study. I paid the fees and I think I have the freedom to choose what I want.

Sigh, loads of bitter and sweetness...

the lady who can't get over BM

It’s been a long day. My mum and I went to JPJ to settle something today. Everything went quite well in the beginning. After seeing a higher rank officer to get some document, we went to the counter to settle the payment. Luckily, there weren’t much people there and we were able to settle everything quickly. There was this arrogant, think-herself-is-a-clever-civil-servant lady.


Me : Saya nak bayar dokumen ini.

Lady : dokumen? Dokumen apa yang awak nak? (showing her ass face)

Me : dokumen ini saya dapatkan dari pejabat atas (showing her the document)

Lady : dokumen???? (studying the document)

Me : ya (waiting for her reply)

Lady : tunggu (she left her seat and went upstairs to clarify the things that her idiot mind couldn’t comprehend)

Me : ok


After a few minutes, she came back with her lagi ass face


Lady : yang awak beli ni, maklumat. Bukan dokumen.

Me : ya la. Ok. Ini duit dia (whatever)


I just paid her and walk off. I was thinking, what’s the difference between ‘maklumat’ and ‘dokumen’. You can’t buy the ‘maklumat’ without buying the ‘dokumen’ because the ‘maklumat’ is obviously inside the ‘dokumen’. My mum and I were like, whatever, as long as we got the thing we needed.


Did they forget something? I thought their salaries have just been raised. I thought the government and the nation urged the civil servants to put smiles on their faces. I think the civil servants are having serious “memory lost”. The party in charge should recruit more counselors to guide the pathetic and desperate civil servants to prevent further imbalance emotions among the civil servants from happening.

evil people

There are two kinds of evil people in this world.


1. Those who commit evil things are the first type of evil people. Those cold-blooded robbers, rapists, thieves, mafia, politic people are typical type of evil people. Everything they do is regarded with their own well-being and benefits. As long as they can attain what they aimed for, they wouldn’t care about others. It seems like they have lost their conscience. Humans who lost their conscience are no longer humans but is defined a ‘thing’. ‘Thing’ like toilet bowl, toilet brush, you name it.


2. The second kind of evil people are those who see evil things happening but they aren’t taking any actions to stop them (evil doings). This kind of evil people is even worse. At least the first kind of evil people know they are mean and cold-blooded. The latter pretend to be good people, like a saint but nobody knows what on their minds and hearts. Edmund Burke once said that ~ All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. The latter is eventually dominating this planet, competing against each other to become renowned and affluent.


The good people are diminishing. The world is fading away…

a birthday surprise

My sister and I went to the bakery just now. We told the chef to make a pudding cake and send it to our house next Wednesday. Next Wednesday is my mum's big day, it's her BIRTHDAY!!!!We are keeping it as a secret from her. Neither my sister nor I will tell our mum because we don't want to spoil the surprise. Hope my mum will love the cake we bought for her.

UPDATE:
My mum was happy even though not surprised enough. She smelt something stinks and said I was suspicious. I guess i was terrible at hiding something. Anyway, the cake was superlicious. My mum and I had finished half of the cake in just 30 minutes. Oopsy...getting fatter =(

Am I strong?

Am I strong enough for everything that’s to come?
I thought I was strong. I thought I was tough. I thought I could bear the pain of losing him. I thought I could let go of the pain of losing him. I thought wrong. I was crying for the past few days. Apparently, I am weaker than I thought. The pain of losing him is still there. It feels like thousands of blades cut through my heart. I am so hurt. I couldn’t cry in front of my family. I need to be strong. If I were to fall, everyone would fall with me. I can’t let this happen to my family. I can’t mourn for my dad. This is a very sensitive issue in my family now. I know everyone in the family, my mum, my sister, my brother and I made believe that nothing happened. We laugh everyday but from the bottom of the heart, everyone is depressed.

There were some of my dad’s friends who talked about him whenever my mum met them. This has caused a big stir. My mum would cry. I tried to console her but to no avail. I cried as well. The more I consoled her, the more I cried. I still couldn’t believe that my dad had actually left us. My dad had moved on. He has another part of life to continue. Our journey of life still goes on.

Is it ok to bring the memories I shared with my late dad to the future? Is it ok to cry over him, even now? Or is it the time to be strong? Is it the time to let go of him?

With everyone in the family pretending that nothing happens, it’s driving me insane. I don’t know how long I can take it. One thing that I know is that I must pretend to be strong, at least until July, when I go back to Uni for my new semester.

Suddenly, I remembered a song sang by Josh Groban, titled ‘You Raise Me Up’

You raise me up
So I can stand on mountain
You raise me up
To walk on stormy seas
I am strong
When I’m on your shoulder
You raise me up
To more than I can be

That’s what my dad did. Love you, dad!!!

absolute peace

Does peace really exist in this world??
Whatsoever, peace of the world proclaimed by artists, societies, everyone…does peace really exist?
Well, I don’t think so. Human’s mind getting more and more corrupted and contaminated has made the world getting worse day by day. Each and everyone have a purpose behind everything they do. Whether it’s good or evil, we have no right to stop them. I don’t think anyone has any intentions to stop the people around them from doing something unless their family or friends.

I truly feel sorry and at the same time disgust at those snatch thieves for victimizing innocent people. The enforcement is darn weak and this is the reason why there are still loads of snatch theft cases that couldn’t be solved. Even if the culprit is captured, who knows what would happen to them afterwards. They might be released due to incomplete evidence for the police officers to put charge on them or they might bribe the police officers. Who knows…

Corruption is still widespread. I believe in this even though the civil servants’ salaries have been raised. Who would reject extra perks? There are still some just people out there but the numbers of them are getting less day by day. After all, this is the century where people worship the golden calf.

Human’s irresponsible acts have cause tremendous effects on the environment. Even though various campaigns are carried out all over the world to promote awareness to improve the quality of the environment, still there are no changes in the place we live. What’s the use of outsiders’ efforts if we don’t have the voice inside of us to urge us to do something with our surrounding? A shiver runs thru my body every time when I think that I’m breathing toxic. One word ~ self-awareness, everything starts with self-awareness.

I have no intentions to make myself sound like I discriminate male in this part. I can’t help but to say that when men have extra money, some of them might choose to have a mistress. Men are never gonna satisfied with what they have. Is it so hard for them to be loyal to only one person? Cant’ be helped; it’s human nature, people always want more.

We are living in an unfair world. Rich people get richer, poor people get poorer. No matter how hard we work, how much money we earn, there’s still a level that we couldn’t transcend. Maybe we should just feel content with what we have or should I say ~ the more we have, the more we want, even a world is not enough.

This is endless. There are too many problems in this world. I am not a perfect person, who am I to complain…I should just paddle my own canoe.

28 + 4 ways to know if you're Chinese

So true........ 28 + 4 ways to know if you're Chinese

1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).

2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.

3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.

4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.

5. You hate to waste food
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a le cture about starving kids
in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.

7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.

9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.

10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.

11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.

12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.

13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.

14. You're a wok user.

15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.

16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.

17. You never call your parents just to say hi.

18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).

20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.

21. You always cook too much.

22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.

23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.

24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.

25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.

26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin

27. You know why this list consists of only "28"reasons.

28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends. There are four more indications that you need to add 8-)

*29 You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs

*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.

*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them

*32 And you will always proud because you're chinese

adapted from an e-mail

Farewell

People come and go. The word “people” here means families and friends. It happens to everyone, including myself. Sigh, this is bitter and difficult to endure. It has been two years in Uni now and these two years are the period where I’ve gained experience in life and death the most. Undeniably, the knowledge of life and death is equivalence to the journey of life.

In this short period, I lost my dad. The person who had always been my loved ones. He’s my everything. I’ve lost him and there’s nothing I can do except to live my life to the fullest, and to help fulfilling his dreams. He would be in my mind forever.

Eunice, one of my dearest sisters in Christ has left Malaysia for China. She has always been my dearest sister cum friend. She listens to me, cares about me and shares my ups and downs. I don’t know when I’ll meet her again…

I just got to know that my pastor and his family will be leaving Malaysia for United States soon. I feel like my family is going to leave me, again like my dad.

All of these are inevitable. New friends may come but those who are gone are irreplaceable. Trusts have to be built with acquaintances before they can become friends again. Everything has to start all over again. What a tiring process…