busy weeks

According to lunar month, today is the second last day of Chinese New Year, but the thing is, the mood of celebrating Chinese New Year is gone. I start studying on third day of CNY as i have three papers (Reactor, Statistics and Organic Chemistry) coming straight up after CNY. I still have another two papers (Statistics and Organic Chemistry) next week. It was kind of disappointment to me that although I've read thoroughly the chapters that were to be tested in exam, I couldn't really do well in that paper. I slack in the first question, and the first question happened to be exactly the same question in my tutorial. I did that tutorial on my own and I just couldn't understand why I couldn't answer it. My lecturer said the first question was a bonus for everyone of us and whoever couldn't it means he or she doesn't take the tutorial questions seriously. Excuse me, i was like... what? I did all the questions on my own, spending days to figure out how to do all those super difficult questions. It doesn't feel good. I was thinking what's the purpose of studying so hard during CNY and I couldn't answer questions well. I mean there were loads of doubt in my answers. Sigh...Life is not easy.


Another disappointment happened when i realize that most of my coursemates are in the dean list while I'm not. I did work hard for the past semesters and I worked real hard. I did all the tutorial questions on my own, studied for all the quizzes and exams and the fact is that I still couldn't get good results. I put extra hard works in all the group works, working twice the load others had worked and I still didn't get what I am supposed to get. There's another integrated project awaiting to be done and I am grouped with the same ol' members again. Other group members don't seem to care about the project. Procrastinating in everything they do, giving me excuses that there's still loads of time before the due date. It will end up the same like last project, ending up in me doing everything, editing, typing (I typed 90% of the project), finding the flow diagram and got it to be printed. No one ever realised what I have done and for sure they'll complain whenever I've done something wrong, even minor mistakes.


I'm still struggling now to finish studying my organic chemistry and statistics. Having to memorise all the formulas and reaction mechanism really burdened me immensely. I'd planned to go to church today as I 've not been there for a couple of weeks. I found out that they were practising for sketch for the coming Indonesia mission trip and thought that I would be of no use even if I went so I decided not to go. Better keep on with my studies and doing some research for the project. I really hope that I can push myself into the dean list this semester. I'm gonna keep my finger crossed. Hope that He will pick me up whenever I feel weary or restless or when I'm down. I really need loads of strength from Him as I need to carry out my responsibility well and at the same time give a good personal testimony to others especially those non-Christian. Be with me Lord and let me hang on to You.