fish and its bones

i went back to Johor yesterday and just came back today. i had only been in my hometown for less than 24 hours. what the...[-.-''']

anyway, it was the first time i went back with my brother ONLY. well, the journey was quite pleasant. as per usual, my brother would jam songs throughout the whole journey. nothing was more interesting than seeing him performed stunts i.e. overtook all the car that slowed him down. i only realised that Honda City has a function called '7 speed mode' yesterday. was i a jakun? anyway...i had a few conversation with my brother. it felt odd because my brother wasn't a person that would initiate conversation with us, his family, especially when he grew older. there was a moment where he asked me something and i felt embarrassed.

bro: when are you graduating?
me: may, next year lo
bro: as what? master ar?
me: *surprised* no lah! degree nia
bro: how's results? first class?
me: *embarrassed* no la, second upper nia

i was a straight A students all the while, except for SPM. i realised that i was fading away, especially in studies lately. didn't manage to score well, didn't have any motivation to study. so pathetic!

anyway, i still have another one semester left. i tell myself, i will play hard and study hard. after all, this is the last 5 months to be an undergrad. haha. looking back at 2008, i realise that time flies supersonically. pheww...

as per usual, i tapao bento that my mom made for me. my mom usually prepares me bento when i go back to KL. this time, i had egg and fish, what a healthy meal! when i was eating the fish, i thought of my dad. my dad would always remove bone from the flesh of the fish whenever my mom cooked fish at home. we i.e. my siblings and i would eat the boneless flesh of the fish while my dad busied himself extracting the bones. by the time we had done eating, to leave the table, my dad only ate one bite of rice from his rice bowl. i miss those days...my mom also extracted bones from the fish these days, for me, ONLY. (ps: to my siblings, she would act as if: jaga yourself lar)*hehe* but the feeling was not the same. i really miss my dad but i do love my mom too. sigh, just miss those day when my dad was still around. he was a very cool and quiet person, but somehow, his presence gave me a reason to stay at home, and feel the warmth of a happy and complete family.

my heart would go sad whenever i see any uncles wondering aimlessly on the streets or families going outing with their DADs. i am jealous. although everyone in the family grows stronger and tougher, i still feel the lost that cannot be replaced. this year will be the second year to celebrate CNY without my dad. every year, my dad would grill bak gua for us, at his friend's shop. we would eat as much as we could. i tell you, the bak gua he grilled was the best in the world. he was very skilful in grilling bak gua back then. the bak gua was perfectly grilled yet not charred. ever since he passed away, i have been eating less bak gua and chocolate. he had been feeding us with chocolate since we were young and we ended up loving chocolate so much!

i still miss my dad, i still hope that he can be here, to celebrate CNY with us. i still want to celebrate even a small bliss in everyday of my life with my precious daddy...
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