Am I strong enough for everything that’s to come?
I thought I was strong. I thought I was tough. I thought I could bear the pain of losing him. I thought I could let go of the pain of losing him. I thought wrong. I was crying for the past few days. Apparently, I am weaker than I thought. The pain of losing him is still there. It feels like thousands of blades cut through my heart. I am so hurt. I couldn’t cry in front of my family. I need to be strong. If I were to fall, everyone would fall with me. I can’t let this happen to my family. I can’t mourn for my dad. This is a very sensitive issue in my family now. I know everyone in the family, my mum, my sister, my brother and I made believe that nothing happened. We laugh everyday but from the bottom of the heart, everyone is depressed.
There were some of my dad’s friends who talked about him whenever my mum met them. This has caused a big stir. My mum would cry. I tried to console her but to no avail. I cried as well. The more I consoled her, the more I cried. I still couldn’t believe that my dad had actually left us. My dad had moved on. He has another part of life to continue. Our journey of life still goes on.
Is it ok to bring the memories I shared with my late dad to the future? Is it ok to cry over him, even now? Or is it the time to be strong? Is it the time to let go of him?
With everyone in the family pretending that nothing happens, it’s driving me insane. I don’t know how long I can take it. One thing that I know is that I must pretend to be strong, at least until July, when I go back to Uni for my new semester.
Suddenly, I remembered a song sang by Josh Groban, titled ‘You Raise Me Up’
You raise me up
So I can stand on mountain
You raise me up
To walk on stormy seas
I am strong
When I’m on your shoulder
You raise me up
To more than I can be
That’s what my dad did. Love you, dad!!!
June 8, 2007
June 7, 2007
absolute peace
Does peace really exist in this world??
Whatsoever, peace of the world proclaimed by artists, societies, everyone…does peace really exist?
Well, I don’t think so. Human’s mind getting more and more corrupted and contaminated has made the world getting worse day by day. Each and everyone have a purpose behind everything they do. Whether it’s good or evil, we have no right to stop them. I don’t think anyone has any intentions to stop the people around them from doing something unless their family or friends.
I truly feel sorry and at the same time disgust at those snatch thieves for victimizing innocent people. The enforcement is darn weak and this is the reason why there are still loads of snatch theft cases that couldn’t be solved. Even if the culprit is captured, who knows what would happen to them afterwards. They might be released due to incomplete evidence for the police officers to put charge on them or they might bribe the police officers. Who knows…
Corruption is still widespread. I believe in this even though the civil servants’ salaries have been raised. Who would reject extra perks? There are still some just people out there but the numbers of them are getting less day by day. After all, this is the century where people worship the golden calf.
Human’s irresponsible acts have cause tremendous effects on the environment. Even though various campaigns are carried out all over the world to promote awareness to improve the quality of the environment, still there are no changes in the place we live. What’s the use of outsiders’ efforts if we don’t have the voice inside of us to urge us to do something with our surrounding? A shiver runs thru my body every time when I think that I’m breathing toxic. One word ~ self-awareness, everything starts with self-awareness.
I have no intentions to make myself sound like I discriminate male in this part. I can’t help but to say that when men have extra money, some of them might choose to have a mistress. Men are never gonna satisfied with what they have. Is it so hard for them to be loyal to only one person? Cant’ be helped; it’s human nature, people always want more.
We are living in an unfair world. Rich people get richer, poor people get poorer. No matter how hard we work, how much money we earn, there’s still a level that we couldn’t transcend. Maybe we should just feel content with what we have or should I say ~ the more we have, the more we want, even a world is not enough.
This is endless. There are too many problems in this world. I am not a perfect person, who am I to complain…I should just paddle my own canoe.
Whatsoever, peace of the world proclaimed by artists, societies, everyone…does peace really exist?
Well, I don’t think so. Human’s mind getting more and more corrupted and contaminated has made the world getting worse day by day. Each and everyone have a purpose behind everything they do. Whether it’s good or evil, we have no right to stop them. I don’t think anyone has any intentions to stop the people around them from doing something unless their family or friends.
I truly feel sorry and at the same time disgust at those snatch thieves for victimizing innocent people. The enforcement is darn weak and this is the reason why there are still loads of snatch theft cases that couldn’t be solved. Even if the culprit is captured, who knows what would happen to them afterwards. They might be released due to incomplete evidence for the police officers to put charge on them or they might bribe the police officers. Who knows…
Corruption is still widespread. I believe in this even though the civil servants’ salaries have been raised. Who would reject extra perks? There are still some just people out there but the numbers of them are getting less day by day. After all, this is the century where people worship the golden calf.
Human’s irresponsible acts have cause tremendous effects on the environment. Even though various campaigns are carried out all over the world to promote awareness to improve the quality of the environment, still there are no changes in the place we live. What’s the use of outsiders’ efforts if we don’t have the voice inside of us to urge us to do something with our surrounding? A shiver runs thru my body every time when I think that I’m breathing toxic. One word ~ self-awareness, everything starts with self-awareness.
I have no intentions to make myself sound like I discriminate male in this part. I can’t help but to say that when men have extra money, some of them might choose to have a mistress. Men are never gonna satisfied with what they have. Is it so hard for them to be loyal to only one person? Cant’ be helped; it’s human nature, people always want more.
We are living in an unfair world. Rich people get richer, poor people get poorer. No matter how hard we work, how much money we earn, there’s still a level that we couldn’t transcend. Maybe we should just feel content with what we have or should I say ~ the more we have, the more we want, even a world is not enough.
This is endless. There are too many problems in this world. I am not a perfect person, who am I to complain…I should just paddle my own canoe.
28 + 4 ways to know if you're Chinese
So true........ 28 + 4 ways to know if you're Chinese
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a le cture about starving kids
in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin
27. You know why this list consists of only "28"reasons.
28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends. There are four more indications that you need to add 8-)
*29 You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs
*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.
*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them
*32 And you will always proud because you're chinese
adapted from an e-mail
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a le cture about starving kids
in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin
27. You know why this list consists of only "28"reasons.
28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends. There are four more indications that you need to add 8-)
*29 You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs
*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.
*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them
*32 And you will always proud because you're chinese
adapted from an e-mail
June 6, 2007
Farewell
People come and go. The word “people” here means families and friends. It happens to everyone, including myself. Sigh, this is bitter and difficult to endure. It has been two years in Uni now and these two years are the period where I’ve gained experience in life and death the most. Undeniably, the knowledge of life and death is equivalence to the journey of life.
In this short period, I lost my dad. The person who had always been my loved ones. He’s my everything. I’ve lost him and there’s nothing I can do except to live my life to the fullest, and to help fulfilling his dreams. He would be in my mind forever.
Eunice, one of my dearest sisters in Christ has left Malaysia for China. She has always been my dearest sister cum friend. She listens to me, cares about me and shares my ups and downs. I don’t know when I’ll meet her again…
I just got to know that my pastor and his family will be leaving Malaysia for United States soon. I feel like my family is going to leave me, again like my dad.
All of these are inevitable. New friends may come but those who are gone are irreplaceable. Trusts have to be built with acquaintances before they can become friends again. Everything has to start all over again. What a tiring process…
In this short period, I lost my dad. The person who had always been my loved ones. He’s my everything. I’ve lost him and there’s nothing I can do except to live my life to the fullest, and to help fulfilling his dreams. He would be in my mind forever.
Eunice, one of my dearest sisters in Christ has left Malaysia for China. She has always been my dearest sister cum friend. She listens to me, cares about me and shares my ups and downs. I don’t know when I’ll meet her again…
I just got to know that my pastor and his family will be leaving Malaysia for United States soon. I feel like my family is going to leave me, again like my dad.
All of these are inevitable. New friends may come but those who are gone are irreplaceable. Trusts have to be built with acquaintances before they can become friends again. Everything has to start all over again. What a tiring process…
May 30, 2007
Because of you...
Because of you
I cried 24 hours non-stop for 4 days
Because of you
I lost 7 kg in 3 days
Because of you
I feel compel to take care of the ones I loved
Because of you
I promise to myself to be a decent person
Because of you
I’ve learnt to be tactful in everything I do
Because of you
Nothing is more important than you
I could still feel your presence
I could still feel the warmth of your embrace
I miss you so….
I cried 24 hours non-stop for 4 days
Because of you
I lost 7 kg in 3 days
Because of you
I feel compel to take care of the ones I loved
Because of you
I promise to myself to be a decent person
Because of you
I’ve learnt to be tactful in everything I do
Because of you
Nothing is more important than you
I could still feel your presence
I could still feel the warmth of your embrace
I miss you so….
May 29, 2007
Marianne Williamson said~~
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Adapted from Stephen R. Covey's The 8th habit, From Effectiveness to Greatness
Adapted from Stephen R. Covey's The 8th habit, From Effectiveness to Greatness
May 24, 2007
National service
Is it wise to execute the national service programme in our country?
Well, for me, I think it’s a total waste. Reconsider the cost needed to support all the activities in the programme, I think it’s not a necessity. Money is needed for trainees’ uniforms, foods, activity sites, medical fees, tools for training and etc. Where does all those money come from? Isn’t it the nation’s money? Why waste those money?
Let’s not mention about they money wasted. How about the quality of the trainees being trained in this programme? The programme is not even military-oriented. It means, not even one person graduated from this programme is suitable for war when the country is in danger.
Not forgetting about some widespread rumours saying some bad things about the programme.
Sigh, why doesn’t the government come up with some useful ideas that will bring benefits to the country?
Well, for me, I think it’s a total waste. Reconsider the cost needed to support all the activities in the programme, I think it’s not a necessity. Money is needed for trainees’ uniforms, foods, activity sites, medical fees, tools for training and etc. Where does all those money come from? Isn’t it the nation’s money? Why waste those money?
Let’s not mention about they money wasted. How about the quality of the trainees being trained in this programme? The programme is not even military-oriented. It means, not even one person graduated from this programme is suitable for war when the country is in danger.
Not forgetting about some widespread rumours saying some bad things about the programme.
Sigh, why doesn’t the government come up with some useful ideas that will bring benefits to the country?
I miss you…
Life. What is life all about? What’s the purpose of living on this earth? What’s the point of working so hard in this life? What’s the significance of perseverance to achieve something big in this life? Why do we have to work hard and study hard? Someday soon, we will leave the earth. No matter how hard we keep this life, we will still lose it someday. No matter how hard we work, how hard we study, we cannot bring all of these together with us when we leave the earth. So why, why do we take all of these seriously in our lives? What is it that we are looking for in this life? Something we can boast about? Something to be proud of? Something to show off to others? This life really perplexes me. I still couldn’t find the meaning of this life no matter how hard I’ve tried. Life is so vague. I still couldn’t get the big picture of it no matter how hard I’ve seek.
I guess losing someone close to me recently makes me think more about this life. I’ve lost him, for eternity. He will never come back to me again. I miss him a lot lately. I wanted to talk to him but I couldn’t. Losing him really give a tremendous impact on my life. Not only me, but also to the people around me. I’ll do anything to get him back in my life but I know there’s nothing I can do. I was such a fool who didn’t know how to cherish him while he’s still around. I was such an idiot to make him worried about me while he’s around. I am such a pain. God, why are You so cruel? You took him away from me. You didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye. You didn’t even give me a chance to pay him back for all the good deeds he did to me. You didn’t even give him a chance to say goodbye. He had just started to enjoy his life and You just took him away without a warning. You said You have a perfect plan for everyone but is this what You called a perfect plan for him? This is so absurd. Why are You so cruel? You promised to give me a joyful life but do I have now? Only pain, in my heart. My heart aches whenever I think of him.
You were the one to support me when everyone else turned their back against me. You were the first one to come to me whenever I faced problems. You worked hard for me, to give me a comfortable life and to give me the best in not just anything, but everything in my life. You were the one to console me whenever I was depressed. You are everything in my life. I still want you in my life. I am so regret for I didn’t obey you fully. I was so stupid for I did not comprehend what you did in the past.
Nothing can replace you in my life. You are the most important person in my life. You are gone, for eternity and I will miss you forever…
I guess losing someone close to me recently makes me think more about this life. I’ve lost him, for eternity. He will never come back to me again. I miss him a lot lately. I wanted to talk to him but I couldn’t. Losing him really give a tremendous impact on my life. Not only me, but also to the people around me. I’ll do anything to get him back in my life but I know there’s nothing I can do. I was such a fool who didn’t know how to cherish him while he’s still around. I was such an idiot to make him worried about me while he’s around. I am such a pain. God, why are You so cruel? You took him away from me. You didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye. You didn’t even give me a chance to pay him back for all the good deeds he did to me. You didn’t even give him a chance to say goodbye. He had just started to enjoy his life and You just took him away without a warning. You said You have a perfect plan for everyone but is this what You called a perfect plan for him? This is so absurd. Why are You so cruel? You promised to give me a joyful life but do I have now? Only pain, in my heart. My heart aches whenever I think of him.
You were the one to support me when everyone else turned their back against me. You were the first one to come to me whenever I faced problems. You worked hard for me, to give me a comfortable life and to give me the best in not just anything, but everything in my life. You were the one to console me whenever I was depressed. You are everything in my life. I still want you in my life. I am so regret for I didn’t obey you fully. I was so stupid for I did not comprehend what you did in the past.
Nothing can replace you in my life. You are the most important person in my life. You are gone, for eternity and I will miss you forever…
May 5, 2007
it's holiday again
Dear oh dear. Time flies supersonically. Another semester has ended with the commence of this holiday. It's the end of my second year in uni, and i'll be graduating two years later. Don't mention about graduation yet, let's just look forward to it.
Sigh, two years has passed and i found that i really learn nothing much in uni, plus, i didn't really enjoy my uni life in these two years. There're only disappointments so far. Disappointed with the people in my course, the lecturers, some self-centered housemates and the system in this country. Life is not easy. Rumours are everywhere no matter what you've done, good or bad. Even when you've done something good, some people will twist the truth and what you've done would sound so bad. Sigh, can't be helped, everyone is given a mouth and they can say whatever they want. Life gets even tougher especially when you need to live life according to rules and taking people's order. You'll never satisfy people around you no matter what you've done. This is what you called life.
Anyway, the happiest thing in my uni life is to get to know 2 good housemates, phing may and dom. They are my closest friend in uni. Always got my back and supporting me, always help me whenever i have dilemma. i'm truly grateful to have them in my life. Another happy thing during my uni life is to get a best friend, gal in my hometown. we just got closer after i came to uni. Three close friends in my life so far. I have phobia when getting a close friend. I still can remember the feeling of being betrayed by a close friend, my heart really ache whenever i thought of it.
I'm gonna work real hard this holiday. There's no other reason no to work hard. Really can't wait to really work so that i can earn and give back to my parents. They had endure loads of hardship when they were young to give three of us, their offsprings a good life. It's such a shameful thing to ask money from them anymore. They have gone through a lot and i just hope to make them glad and give them a good life.
looking forward to this holiday. hope that i can get good results this time.
Sigh, two years has passed and i found that i really learn nothing much in uni, plus, i didn't really enjoy my uni life in these two years. There're only disappointments so far. Disappointed with the people in my course, the lecturers, some self-centered housemates and the system in this country. Life is not easy. Rumours are everywhere no matter what you've done, good or bad. Even when you've done something good, some people will twist the truth and what you've done would sound so bad. Sigh, can't be helped, everyone is given a mouth and they can say whatever they want. Life gets even tougher especially when you need to live life according to rules and taking people's order. You'll never satisfy people around you no matter what you've done. This is what you called life.
Anyway, the happiest thing in my uni life is to get to know 2 good housemates, phing may and dom. They are my closest friend in uni. Always got my back and supporting me, always help me whenever i have dilemma. i'm truly grateful to have them in my life. Another happy thing during my uni life is to get a best friend, gal in my hometown. we just got closer after i came to uni. Three close friends in my life so far. I have phobia when getting a close friend. I still can remember the feeling of being betrayed by a close friend, my heart really ache whenever i thought of it.
I'm gonna work real hard this holiday. There's no other reason no to work hard. Really can't wait to really work so that i can earn and give back to my parents. They had endure loads of hardship when they were young to give three of us, their offsprings a good life. It's such a shameful thing to ask money from them anymore. They have gone through a lot and i just hope to make them glad and give them a good life.
looking forward to this holiday. hope that i can get good results this time.
April 27, 2007
our promises....
GAL and SAM are going travelling after we earn our first RM 10K.
We will be backpack travelling.
I'll accompany ah GAL to UK first.
After we earn our second RM 10K, GAL and SAM will go travelling again, a backpack travelling again. This time, GAl will accompany me to NZ.
Our dreams and promises. It'll happen somehow, someday and soon...=)
Looking forward to it!!!
We will be backpack travelling.
I'll accompany ah GAL to UK first.
After we earn our second RM 10K, GAL and SAM will go travelling again, a backpack travelling again. This time, GAl will accompany me to NZ.
Our dreams and promises. It'll happen somehow, someday and soon...=)
Looking forward to it!!!
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